Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Nervous tension....

Yesterday was a nervous day for me, several of the guys got kicked out or left over the weekend, and I found out that only about 60% of the guys complete the program. The summer we lose a lot because many of the homeless people who come here decide that this is the place to be in the winter, but living under a bridge downtown in the summer isnt so bad.

I'd say there are about 50 guys here. About 1/3 are here to avoid jail, 1/3 are here because they have no other place to go, and about 1/3 are here becuase of choice - but it seems that most have given in to the idea that they need a change from the routines that led them to addiction in the first place.

I am taken by the guys - so tough most of the time in their lives, but their understanding of fraility of life is pretty cool. They take such care with their plants they grow on the ranch - nurturing each one, they love each one of the animals and feed the baby animals with bottles, and when one of the guys is sick, convulsing, or detoxing, the guys all check in on him, bring him food and drink and encourage him - they dont stand back or shun him. In fact, many times they have been thrown up on or have to clean up messy bed sheets - and they guys do it willingly. Maybe they see some part of themselves in the sickness.

I got free teeth exam today, so thats pretty cool - I came at the right time. We are planning a rafting trip for June, and I love the kitchen - they let us eat whatever we want if we work the kitchen, so I can stick to my high protein low carb meals. Much of the pork, foul, eggs, much of the produce, beef (we are having steaks for lunch tomorrow) are all raised here on the ranch.
As soon as I get the cable for my camera, I will be posting pictures.

I was running late today, so I didnt have much time to write about some of the treatment and therapy, but I'll do it tomorrow if I can.

Soon, I'll be leaving the ranch to go in to town so I will be able to use facebook, myspace, and have more time to clean up this blog - until then, this is it.

Please wait just a little bit before you give out the address to the blog, I want to get into my groove of both the ranch as well as the mood of my postings before I have a bunch of strange eyes on it.

Talk at'cha tomorrow.


  1. So I guess I am the first to comment. I read all of your blogs and I have to say that it is good that you have kept your sense of humor through all of this. Also I am glad to hear that you will be getting your regular haircuts because I refuse to braid your hair when it gets too long like I had to do for Jeremy for that one year that he was going fo the Jesus look. Keep your head in the game, and don't give up. I am sure it is going to get so much harder before it gets easier, so take it day by day. Each night when you go to sleep, be proud of yourself for making it through another day sober. I am sure when the craving hits you it will be so hard not to have a drink. But if you say no, you will wake up the next day feeling AMAZING, physically, as well as mentally. Anyway, just keep going, 60% sounds like good odds and I know you will be one of those 60% of people that graduates.

    "In the darkest hour the soul is replenished and given strenght to continue and endure."
    -Heart Warrior Chosa

    Your sister,

  2. I left you an e-mail because I read this on my blackberry and wasn't able to post a comment using it. What I said was that I was realy proud of you and your desire to get healthy - physically, emotionally, and mentally. And your introduction to The Drover was incredibly moving and honest. Keep up the blog - I think it will be good for all of us. Take care.

    Love, Mom